Last Day of Radiation Treatment

It's over, for now anyway. No more daily, "zappage," as I call it. So what now? Well, I'm due for another dose of CCNU (http://www.chemocare.com/bio/ccnu.asp) today and then to check in with my Radiation Oncologist in three weeks, then my Oncologist in 5 weeks for an MRI to gauge the results of treatments to date and go forward.

It's kind of strange to say, but in some ways I'll miss my daily visits to the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara. Anne and I have nothing but positive things to say about the staff, the protocol, and the level of care that we received. I have formed attachments to the staff who are working to save my life, basically. I will miss my brief conversations with Ivan about his desire to get back into cycling (I'd like to believe I have something to do with that!), as well as my ribbing of Kim about her comedy material; both are warm, caring people who took an interest and sense of pride in my recovery, as did the entire staff. I don't know how they do it, frankly; they are professional people and yet they let themselves care on a personal level - extraordinary.

The only drawback of the treatments has been the attempt to do a slow, tapered reduction in my steroid (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dexamethasone) level, which has resulted in a roll-back of my physical progress in rehab by a good two to three weeks in my estimation. It is nobody's fault; the reason they call it, "Practicing medicine," is that nothing is exact and everyone's reaction's are individual depending on their physiology.

The level of frustration that the taper caused, however, and my inability to deal appropriately with same, has not been fun . . . for anyone in our family, I might add. I think the natural reaction is to take that frustration out on those closest to us because . . . well, I don't really know why that's the case and there is certainly no good excuse for doing so. A good indication of Anne's frustration level was apparent when I noticed a giant-sized bottle of, "Stress Formula Body Wash," on the bathroom sink this morning. I will try to improve my attitude and to stop needing to apologize for things that I say; no guarantees, but I will try!

Make it a great day.