Dodging bullets

This is a familiar term for cancer patients; it's how we feel each time we go in for a scan, blood work or other diagnostic test seen as an indicator of our status, with good results. It is the sigh of relief exhaled between my wife and I while walking to the elevators from my doctor's office. I don't care how confident, positive or in denial a patient is, there is no substitution for the words, "Everything looks good," from my doctor - who has learned that after hello, the results are the onlty thing we are concerned with hearing about - be they good or not so good.

Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life. In our case, it has not left my body and in fact has more firmly embedded itself with the new tumor and all that comes with it. This last few weeks has been rough on us as we have been dealing with setbacks and frustration with my recovery. I have developed an eye condition called CSR -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_serous_retinopathy - that's very annoying at best. It makes it appear as though there is a fluid bubble-type distortion in my right eye with a dark spot in the center of my field of vision. The good news on this is that it is not related to the tumor and will likely clear up on its own. I'll be seeing a specialist for follow up, but am relieved that there is no connection other than that it has likely been brought on by stress from all that is going on.
The left side physical weakness I've been experiencing is likely caused by a cyst which has developed in the radiation treatment area. That's the other irony in that it seems like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't with regard to the treatment protocol you follow. What doesn't kill you will likely cure you in other words! That's an overstatement, of course, but most patients I know will echo that sentiment. My doctor at UCSF said he'd like to give everything time to calm down post-surgery and review the November 29th MRI scan before we decide on a next step, if one is even necessary at that time. I have asked for agreement/consensus on that from my other doctors and unless there is objection or counter-recommendation, it seems to be acceptable - as much as the wait and see course can be, "Comfortable," that is.

And so I continue to practice patience for my recovery and for myself . . . practice, practice, practice. Have I mentioned my wife is a saint? I will let you all know when the sainthood ceremony will take place; I think it may involve large quantities of Margaritas. What doesn't kill you will cure you, right?