Keep your expectations in neutral.

That's what a friend of mine told me a while back and it is some of the most valuable advice I've ever received.  Like other tidbits of wisdom, however, that doesn't work unless you practice it; a good example would be the Amgen event yesterday.  

When Amgen first contacted me about representing the local cancer community at the start of Stage 6 of the ToC I was very excited, not for my own in this case dubious celebrity (although I'm not exactly a shrinking violet) but for the opportunity to represent my fellow cancer survivors in the Santa Barbara area.  I didn't know what they needed me to do but I made the effort to be there, which was not easy, and was happy to make the effort.  Needless to say at this point, it was less than I expected and I felt slighted in the end - enough said.

Now I know what you're going to say, and the worst part is you're right; "Keep your expectations in check, Tom."  My feelings were hurt and that may sound silly, but I take my responsibility as a survivor very seriously - again, enough said.  This was a good reminder of a great lesson.  I'm very good about remembering this with the doctors, etc., which is really where it counts.  The worst thing I can do is to expect or anticipate what type of report we will hear, especially over the last six months.  Although we go in with a positive attitude hoping to dodge another bullet and get good news, when we go to the doctor I think we keep our expectations in check.  It sure would be nice to get some definitively good news for a change, though.

We have an appointment with my surgeon to discuss the wound situation this week, hopefully we'll turn the corner with this appointment and the new antibiotic will be the right one to fight the infection - that's what I'm expecting, anyway . . . I know, I know . . .